"Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" featured more Transformers, more locations and more explosions. It also featured more humping dogs, more Decepticon testicles and more unnecessary... everything.
A hallmark of poor science fiction, TF2 starts out on prehistoric Earth, where ancient Transformers show up for some sinister reason. We meet The Fallen, the film's big baddie (a Transformer who, as far as I can tell, doesn't actually transform).
Flash forward to now, where things start out with a bang with a joint US/Autobot strike force hunting down a Decepticon in China. Which Decepticon? No idea. Why? Unclear.
What we do get from this mission is a few half-second glimpses of Arcee, a female Autobot who is actually three motorcycles. From the movie, you wouldn't know any of that, as she gets far less screen time than the humping dogs and about one line late in the movie.
You also see Autobot leader Optimus Prime taking orders from the human soldiers. Later, we find Megatron bowing down to The Fallen. This subservience fits neither character and is never addressed.
Following the pointless action in Asia, we meet back up with Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky and his over-the-top comic-relief parents. They've since adopted another small dog for a few pointless scenes (a common thing in this film). Sam's going off to college, leaving behind his Autobot buddy Bumblebee (who only speaks through recorded songs, another pointless choice that falls flat) and his impossibly hot girlfriend Mikelah (Megan Fox).
Sam leaves, but not before establishing that he can't bring himself to say "I love you" to Mikelah, which becomes an increasingly stupid plot point.
We're not sure where Sam goes to college, but Bumblebee drives there, Mikelah later flies there with a mini Transformer in her carry on and the Decepticons find him there via an unexplained Pretender Transformer, a character who I'm surprised more people weren't confused by.
Eventually (and at too great a length) the plot is revealed. Sam, Mikelah, Sam's roommate and a former secret agent have to stop The Fallen — who's been hanging out in space, again with no explanation — from destroying the sun. The Fallen admits that he can only be stopped by a Prime (for no reason whatsoever), thus setting up another plot goal.
I use the term "plot" loosely, however, as the film is nothing but a collection of explosions and indistinguishable robot battles. The only characters worth caring about are the humans, as all Transformers are completely one-dimensional. Event the offensive Twins — a pair of jive-talking, gold-toothed and illiterate Autobots — are flat.
The question of "why?" came up repeatedly in TF2. Why does Sam's mom curse like a sailor? Why does Soundwave spend the movie humping a satellite? Why does Jetfire walk with a cane and suddenly switch sides? Why does this giant Transformer show up at the end? Why am I watching this?
In the end, after Sam has a vision of heavenly robots and good triumphs over evil, you're left with a hallow feeling. You were never meant to care about any of these characters — you weren't even told who most of the Decepticons were — and so you don't care what happens to any of them.
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a massive waste of time. For something worthwhile, check out the superb 1986 "The Transformers: The Movie." It actually features dynamic characters and Michael Bay had nothing to do with it.
After reading your review I feel that I must share something that I forgot to mention yesterday that makes me even more sad about the state of humanity. On Saturday Erinn and I went to the local cinema to check on early HP:HBP tickets and there were huge lines at the box office and one showing of Transformers was already sold out... WHY?!?
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